Sunday, May 24, 2009

Abusing Free Writing

Okay, I'm running out of ideas for free writing, so I decided to make a rap. Please don't take this seriously. I am aware I am an Asian male that can't rap. Okay here it goes...

Uh one two, one two,
Check it, check it
Yo this one is for my peeps
Shout outz to da Dutty Dozen
You know who you are
Dun Know

Balls balls balls
I like balls
Big balls, little balls
I like balls
Red balls blue balls
I like balls
Candy balls, bouncy balls
I like balls

Yo check it
Balls are great,
Theys come in all types of sizes
I like em big and I like them small
I like balls that I can maul
Like a tennis ball
I like hard balls
like a base ball
when I'm running low
I just give my dealer a call
and he hooks me up with

Balls balls balls
I like balls
Big balls, little balls
I like balls
Red balls blue balls
I like balls
Candy balls, bouncy balls
I like balls

You can even eat balls
Theys come in candy form
Like sweet balls and sour balls
Ever had a jaw breaker
It's a really big hard candy
that's the shape of a ball
and when I'm running low
I go to the convenience store and I get hook ups fah sho
I'm addicted to

Balls balls balls
I like balls
Big balls, little balls
I like balls
Red balls blue balls
I like balls
Candy balls, bouncy balls
I like balls

Balls come in all different colors
Some balls if you don't use them
they turn blue
and when you rub them very hard
its turns red
and then purple

Purpose: To display my mad lyrical skills

Intended Audience: For Rap music lovers

Get To Know Hien

Hello guys, I'm Hien The Vu. For those who don't know me, well here's you're chance. In this blog I'm going to do what I do best and talk about me. Have you ever wondered why I am the way I am? Really, because I don't.

Okay, so we're do I start. I guess I'll make a time line of my life starting from birth and eventually making my way to this blog that I'm writing for you. I, Hien Vu, was born in Hong Kong, although I am Vietnamese by blood because that's were both my parents are from and where their parents are from and so on. I am what you'd like to call a run away baby, not because I literally ran away, but because I born in a refugee camp. Yeah, yeah get your laughs out, I know I'm a refugee baby. You are probably asking yourself, what kind of drugs were your parents were on to say to themselves "Hey lets have baby Hien a refugee camp". Well at the time, there was vast amount of Vietnamese people fleeing Vietnam, and so Hong Kong set up refugee camps to house all these people. My parents stayed there for two years and BOOM baby Hien was born. We left for Canada when was I only eleven months.

Okay, so let's fast track a bit because I really don't want to be writing for days. For most of my childhood I was brought up in a neighborhood called Parkdale. Parkdale wasn't the worst area but it certainly wasn't the best. For kindergarten to grade two I went to a school named Alexandra Muir Gladstone. Proceeding that I went to Queen Victoria public school for grades 3, 3, 4, 5 and 6. Yes you read grade 3 twice because BAM I was held back in grade three. I was a dumb kid, ran into a lot of trees and broke a kids arm on the monkey bars in grade 2, you know that kinda stuff. Enough about that, for grades 7 and 8 I attended Parkdale Public. Believe it or not I used be a trouble maker, and in middle school I went into the gangster phase of my life. Yupp... I can remember the name of my "gangs" were, I was in two, Young Bucks and Young and Dangerous, don't laugh I was young and dumb. This gang consisted of mostly Vietnamese and Black kids and a single Caucasian kid, which we called White Boy, and I still do call him that and even his parents.

High School, a time and place for maturity to play it's roll. By now my parents caught on to which direction I was heading in life so they told me going to Parkdale Collegiate Institute or West Toronto was not an option. So, here I am at East York Collegiate Institute and I got to thank them. Looking at some of my friends now, I think wow, thank God I listened to what mom and dad had to say. I guess parents do know best. Despite that fact that my parents sent me to a high school on the other side of town, I still hung out with the same crew in grade nine. In grade ten I met a special girl, I'll leave her name blank, and she was what you'd like to call my girlfriend for 10 months. She had a great impact on pulling me away from all that wanna be gangster life style. Although I don't speak to this girl anymore, I still think about her every now and then, shhh don't tell anybody. And, in grade eleven I realized I wanted to be a Police officer. I'd tell you why but I'd go on for days. Finally, here comes grade twelve. The best year of my life, period. I guess having the thought that this was going to be my last year of high school gave me the sense that I had to enjoy every last moment, and I have. If only I felt this way about high school from the start, I would have had so much more fun and learned so much more. Moving on, in semester one of grade twelve I was reunited with my grade nine english teacher Ms. Coronetopoulos. I'm not going to kiss her ass in this blog, although she is the one that is going to mark this blog, but let's just say she was an absolutely fantastic mentor and friend. The things she has taught this fine crispy golden asian boy will serve him good in the future. Being the inspirational teacher that she was, she influenced me to take a course called Writers Craft. And, here I am trying to catch up on my blogging.

I hope I didnt bore you too much. Thanks for listening.

Purpose: Get to know me

Intended Audience: Anyone who wants to get to know me better

Last Year

The past month was September
And Now it's already May
Last month grade twelve began
Next month the last year ends

Three hundred and sixty-five days
Subtract weekends, July, August
Holidays, PA days, and skips
That equals to too many days
Days we've all dreaded waking up
At 8, 7, or 6 AM

Back then we did not know
That it was a great trade
Sit at a desk all day
Listen, learn, attend class
In exchange we receive
Best friends, girlfriends, boyfriends
Not to forget knowledge

In short, enjoy High School while it last.

Intended Audience: Grade 12 students about to graduate.

Purpose: To show students that high school is the time of their lives.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

I Couldn't Care Less about Maddonna

To be honest, I do not want to waste my precious brain powers to write a serious piece on the "Material Girl". I don't know her and I don't want to get to know her. I've never met her, and I wouldn't care if I did meet her. She's old and ugly. This vile singer, if you can call her that, makes atrocious music, if you can call it that, and will not give up the stage.

So if you haven't noticed so far, in this blog all I intend to do is rag on this sagging piece horse dung that you call an article. Okay so what if Madonna fell of a horse? Is she dead?! NO?! Does she suffer from brain damage?! NO?! Do I care if she did or didn't...NO!!! Later on in the article, it is revealed that her and her man friend Guy Ritchie are getting a devorce... and once again I DON'T CARE!!!

No further remarks.

Thank You for listening.

Purpose: To rag on Madonna

Intened Audience: People like me that just don't care about celebrity gossip.

Torture Get's Her Done

This blog is intended for individuals that keep up with politics. The purpose of this blog is show whether or not being politically correct is always...correct.

US President Barack Obama reveals CIA's "top secret memos on interrogation techniques widely condemned as torture".

Now stop thinking what you were about to think. So you heard the word torture. You may say to yourself " Big bad America's hurting innocent people, and drowning them, and slapping them, and depriving them of sleep" (The information was released by the President himself), the truth is these men are not innocent. These men held captive are terrorist trying to break down the United States of America's security and harm American lives.

The CIA uses these methods also known as EIT (Enhanced Interrogation Techniques)to save lives. Although they are being punished for using such "harsh" methods, according to former head of US Central Intelligence Agency, the "inconvenient truth" is that it works. Under such condition, Abu Zubaydah, a head of Al-Qaeda, leaked valuable information to CIA officials, leading them to capture another head of Al-Qaeda.

You may not agree with America's version of torture, may it be drowning or sleep deprivation, and may not agree with Al-Qaeda's version of torture, be it sawing off the heads of American soldiers, but in the end it all comes down to what a nation is fighting for and what they are willing to do to obtain it. When it comes to war, both sides are trying, wanting to hurt the other party, to spill the beans on they're country. Torture get's the job done.

So unless there is way to stop war in it's self, torture may not sound so bad when hundreds of millions of lives depend on it.

Monday, May 18, 2009

My Daughter is NOT for sale,..unless...

Rafiq Qureshi, father of "Slumdog Millionaire" actress Rubina Ali, is accused of putting his daughter up for sale. A undercover news reporter, playing a wealthy Arabian man, offered Mr. Qureshi money in exchange for his daughter's adoption. According to British newspapers, Rafiq requested an amount of 20 million rupees for the trade. After having been exposed to the media, Rafiq proclaimed that all the accusations were false and that even Rubina wishes to stay with her father. Contradictory to Rafiq's alibi, His ex-wife testifies that she has heard of this scheme from their oldest daughter, exposing him of his plans to sell Rubina. The Motive to have his daughter sold may be that the Oscar Award winning film did provide the family with much money.

Purpose: Hate it or love it, money makes the world go around.

Intended Audience: For all the parents who are thinking about adoption. And, for the ones who are looking for a bargain, we are out on look out.

Hijacking Editorial

According to the Canadian Press, a Canadian Airplane was Hijacked. The accused is a Jamaican man in his 20's and suffers from "mental issues". No injuries have been reported. How is that a man with "mental issues" broke through the Jamaican Airport security. He insisted that the 5 Nova Scotian crew members that he kept captive to take him to Cuba, the rout's original destination. Not only did the gunman make his way through customs with a gun, he was able to beat all other "182 passengers scheduled" to be seated on the plane, being the first individual aboard. Apparently the gunman was still able to hijack the airplane even though he fired a gunshot while making his way passed security, which should have caused an mass amount of attention. The gunman's father was eventually brought in to organize a negotiation. The question remains: how is that with all the improvements in Airline, a single man is able to break through Airport security?

Purpose: To show that not everything in life is flawless, especially Airport security.

Intended Audience: For all those people terrified of Planes and flying over seas aka Terror-phobics.

I Hate Simon

Hien: Hi, I'm Hien Vu and I'm from Toronto, Ontario. I am 18 and currently enrolled at East York Collegiate Institute.

Simon Cowell: All right Hen--

Hien: It's Hien.

Simon Cowell: All right Hien, what are you going to sing for us today?

Hien: I'm going to sing Aint No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye.

Simon Cowell: Okay Hien, when ever you're ready.

Hien: "Listen baby! Aint no mountain High. Aint no Valley low. Aint no river wide enough, baby."

(Paula and Randy both chuckle. Randy raises a sheet of paper over his face to cover his laughter)

Hien: "...Remember the day... I set you free... I told you you could always count on me--"

Simon Cowell: Okay Hen--

Hien: *cough Hien cough*

Simon: This is some sort of joke right?

Hien: Umm.. No.

Simon: That was absolutely horrific. You murdered that song.

Hien: No, no, no. I'm not one of those people you see on TV that think they can sing. I can actually sing. So, now I'm going to ask you, are you joking?

Simon: I can't tell if you're joking or not. Enough games, every thing was wrong. Every note was either too high or too low or not there. You looked like you were thinking too hard. You even forgot some of the lyrics.

Hien: I can't believe this. My school even raised the money for me to come here because they believed I was that good. Ms. C tells me I have the voice of an angel.

Simon: Well, Hen they are all lying because you have a terrifying voice. That noise that came out of your mouth seemed like it should have came out of dying chicken. Now you've wasted enough of our time please leave.

Hien: Please let me sing another song. I know I can change your mind.

Simon: No, I've heard enough. Now leave! Security!

Hien: Okay...

Simon: Nope! Other door. Use the other door!

Purpose: To show how devasting the truth can be when an individual is giving false hope all their lives.

Intended Audience: American Idol fans and to all those people who dont know how to say "YOU SUCK".

...Jammin' With Lil' John...

Hien: Hi, can I order a large regular coffee and a blueberry bran muffin please?

Lil' John: YEAH!

(Ten seconds have gone by)

Hien: Uh...ok. When are you going make that coffee and get that muffin?

Lil' John: WHAT!?

Hien: ... I asked you to get my coffee and muffin. Don't get offended, you do work here right?

Lil' John: YEAH!

Hien: So then get me what I asked for!

Lil' John: OKAY!

(Another ten seconds have passed)

Hien: See, you're doing that thing again.

Lil' John: WHAT!?

Hien: That thing where I ask you to get me my coffee and muffin and you don't get it. May I speak to your manager please?

Lil' John: WHAT!?

Hien: Can I speak--

Lil' John: WHAT!?

Hien: Can--

Lil' John: WHAT!?

Hien: MOTHERFU--

Lil' John: OKAY!

Hien: Wait a minute... you look quite familiar. Are you...You're Lil' John! No way, you're Lil' John?

Lil' John: YEAH!

Hien: It all makes sense now. I'm on a TV show aren't I?

Lil' John: YEAH! WHAT! OKAY! OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, YEAH, YEAH, WHAT, WHAT, YEAH, WHAT, OKAY OVERLOAD!!!!

(Lil' John explodes into bits and exposes that he was a robot all this time)

Hien: Great now I'm going to be half an hour late for class now...

Purpose: Just for laughs and to show Ms. C what really went on that day I came back half an hour later than usual.

Intended Audience: Ages 16-19. For all the people who have gone to the Tim Horton's on O'Connor and Coxwell and have to put up with you know who. That evil Bit-- WHAT!?