Okay, I'm running out of ideas for free writing, so I decided to make a rap. Please don't take this seriously. I am aware I am an Asian male that can't rap. Okay here it goes...
Uh one two, one two,
Check it, check it
Yo this one is for my peeps
Shout outz to da Dutty Dozen
You know who you are
Dun Know
Balls balls balls
I like balls
Big balls, little balls
I like balls
Red balls blue balls
I like balls
Candy balls, bouncy balls
I like balls
Yo check it
Balls are great,
Theys come in all types of sizes
I like em big and I like them small
I like balls that I can maul
Like a tennis ball
I like hard balls
like a base ball
when I'm running low
I just give my dealer a call
and he hooks me up with
Balls balls balls
I like balls
Big balls, little balls
I like balls
Red balls blue balls
I like balls
Candy balls, bouncy balls
I like balls
You can even eat balls
Theys come in candy form
Like sweet balls and sour balls
Ever had a jaw breaker
It's a really big hard candy
that's the shape of a ball
and when I'm running low
I go to the convenience store and I get hook ups fah sho
I'm addicted to
Balls balls balls
I like balls
Big balls, little balls
I like balls
Red balls blue balls
I like balls
Candy balls, bouncy balls
I like balls
Balls come in all different colors
Some balls if you don't use them
they turn blue
and when you rub them very hard
its turns red
and then purple
Purpose: To display my mad lyrical skills
Intended Audience: For Rap music lovers
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Get To Know Hien
Hello guys, I'm Hien The Vu. For those who don't know me, well here's you're chance. In this blog I'm going to do what I do best and talk about me. Have you ever wondered why I am the way I am? Really, because I don't.
Okay, so we're do I start. I guess I'll make a time line of my life starting from birth and eventually making my way to this blog that I'm writing for you. I, Hien Vu, was born in Hong Kong, although I am Vietnamese by blood because that's were both my parents are from and where their parents are from and so on. I am what you'd like to call a run away baby, not because I literally ran away, but because I born in a refugee camp. Yeah, yeah get your laughs out, I know I'm a refugee baby. You are probably asking yourself, what kind of drugs were your parents were on to say to themselves "Hey lets have baby Hien a refugee camp". Well at the time, there was vast amount of Vietnamese people fleeing Vietnam, and so Hong Kong set up refugee camps to house all these people. My parents stayed there for two years and BOOM baby Hien was born. We left for Canada when was I only eleven months.
Okay, so let's fast track a bit because I really don't want to be writing for days. For most of my childhood I was brought up in a neighborhood called Parkdale. Parkdale wasn't the worst area but it certainly wasn't the best. For kindergarten to grade two I went to a school named Alexandra Muir Gladstone. Proceeding that I went to Queen Victoria public school for grades 3, 3, 4, 5 and 6. Yes you read grade 3 twice because BAM I was held back in grade three. I was a dumb kid, ran into a lot of trees and broke a kids arm on the monkey bars in grade 2, you know that kinda stuff. Enough about that, for grades 7 and 8 I attended Parkdale Public. Believe it or not I used be a trouble maker, and in middle school I went into the gangster phase of my life. Yupp... I can remember the name of my "gangs" were, I was in two, Young Bucks and Young and Dangerous, don't laugh I was young and dumb. This gang consisted of mostly Vietnamese and Black kids and a single Caucasian kid, which we called White Boy, and I still do call him that and even his parents.
High School, a time and place for maturity to play it's roll. By now my parents caught on to which direction I was heading in life so they told me going to Parkdale Collegiate Institute or West Toronto was not an option. So, here I am at East York Collegiate Institute and I got to thank them. Looking at some of my friends now, I think wow, thank God I listened to what mom and dad had to say. I guess parents do know best. Despite that fact that my parents sent me to a high school on the other side of town, I still hung out with the same crew in grade nine. In grade ten I met a special girl, I'll leave her name blank, and she was what you'd like to call my girlfriend for 10 months. She had a great impact on pulling me away from all that wanna be gangster life style. Although I don't speak to this girl anymore, I still think about her every now and then, shhh don't tell anybody. And, in grade eleven I realized I wanted to be a Police officer. I'd tell you why but I'd go on for days. Finally, here comes grade twelve. The best year of my life, period. I guess having the thought that this was going to be my last year of high school gave me the sense that I had to enjoy every last moment, and I have. If only I felt this way about high school from the start, I would have had so much more fun and learned so much more. Moving on, in semester one of grade twelve I was reunited with my grade nine english teacher Ms. Coronetopoulos. I'm not going to kiss her ass in this blog, although she is the one that is going to mark this blog, but let's just say she was an absolutely fantastic mentor and friend. The things she has taught this fine crispy golden asian boy will serve him good in the future. Being the inspirational teacher that she was, she influenced me to take a course called Writers Craft. And, here I am trying to catch up on my blogging.
I hope I didnt bore you too much. Thanks for listening.
Purpose: Get to know me
Intended Audience: Anyone who wants to get to know me better
Okay, so we're do I start. I guess I'll make a time line of my life starting from birth and eventually making my way to this blog that I'm writing for you. I, Hien Vu, was born in Hong Kong, although I am Vietnamese by blood because that's were both my parents are from and where their parents are from and so on. I am what you'd like to call a run away baby, not because I literally ran away, but because I born in a refugee camp. Yeah, yeah get your laughs out, I know I'm a refugee baby. You are probably asking yourself, what kind of drugs were your parents were on to say to themselves "Hey lets have baby Hien a refugee camp". Well at the time, there was vast amount of Vietnamese people fleeing Vietnam, and so Hong Kong set up refugee camps to house all these people. My parents stayed there for two years and BOOM baby Hien was born. We left for Canada when was I only eleven months.
Okay, so let's fast track a bit because I really don't want to be writing for days. For most of my childhood I was brought up in a neighborhood called Parkdale. Parkdale wasn't the worst area but it certainly wasn't the best. For kindergarten to grade two I went to a school named Alexandra Muir Gladstone. Proceeding that I went to Queen Victoria public school for grades 3, 3, 4, 5 and 6. Yes you read grade 3 twice because BAM I was held back in grade three. I was a dumb kid, ran into a lot of trees and broke a kids arm on the monkey bars in grade 2, you know that kinda stuff. Enough about that, for grades 7 and 8 I attended Parkdale Public. Believe it or not I used be a trouble maker, and in middle school I went into the gangster phase of my life. Yupp... I can remember the name of my "gangs" were, I was in two, Young Bucks and Young and Dangerous, don't laugh I was young and dumb. This gang consisted of mostly Vietnamese and Black kids and a single Caucasian kid, which we called White Boy, and I still do call him that and even his parents.
High School, a time and place for maturity to play it's roll. By now my parents caught on to which direction I was heading in life so they told me going to Parkdale Collegiate Institute or West Toronto was not an option. So, here I am at East York Collegiate Institute and I got to thank them. Looking at some of my friends now, I think wow, thank God I listened to what mom and dad had to say. I guess parents do know best. Despite that fact that my parents sent me to a high school on the other side of town, I still hung out with the same crew in grade nine. In grade ten I met a special girl, I'll leave her name blank, and she was what you'd like to call my girlfriend for 10 months. She had a great impact on pulling me away from all that wanna be gangster life style. Although I don't speak to this girl anymore, I still think about her every now and then, shhh don't tell anybody. And, in grade eleven I realized I wanted to be a Police officer. I'd tell you why but I'd go on for days. Finally, here comes grade twelve. The best year of my life, period. I guess having the thought that this was going to be my last year of high school gave me the sense that I had to enjoy every last moment, and I have. If only I felt this way about high school from the start, I would have had so much more fun and learned so much more. Moving on, in semester one of grade twelve I was reunited with my grade nine english teacher Ms. Coronetopoulos. I'm not going to kiss her ass in this blog, although she is the one that is going to mark this blog, but let's just say she was an absolutely fantastic mentor and friend. The things she has taught this fine crispy golden asian boy will serve him good in the future. Being the inspirational teacher that she was, she influenced me to take a course called Writers Craft. And, here I am trying to catch up on my blogging.
I hope I didnt bore you too much. Thanks for listening.
Purpose: Get to know me
Intended Audience: Anyone who wants to get to know me better
Last Year
The past month was September
And Now it's already May
Last month grade twelve began
Next month the last year ends
Three hundred and sixty-five days
Subtract weekends, July, August
Holidays, PA days, and skips
That equals to too many days
Days we've all dreaded waking up
At 8, 7, or 6 AM
Back then we did not know
That it was a great trade
Sit at a desk all day
Listen, learn, attend class
In exchange we receive
Best friends, girlfriends, boyfriends
Not to forget knowledge
In short, enjoy High School while it last.
Intended Audience: Grade 12 students about to graduate.
Purpose: To show students that high school is the time of their lives.
And Now it's already May
Last month grade twelve began
Next month the last year ends
Three hundred and sixty-five days
Subtract weekends, July, August
Holidays, PA days, and skips
That equals to too many days
Days we've all dreaded waking up
At 8, 7, or 6 AM
Back then we did not know
That it was a great trade
Sit at a desk all day
Listen, learn, attend class
In exchange we receive
Best friends, girlfriends, boyfriends
Not to forget knowledge
In short, enjoy High School while it last.
Intended Audience: Grade 12 students about to graduate.
Purpose: To show students that high school is the time of their lives.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
I Couldn't Care Less about Maddonna
To be honest, I do not want to waste my precious brain powers to write a serious piece on the "Material Girl". I don't know her and I don't want to get to know her. I've never met her, and I wouldn't care if I did meet her. She's old and ugly. This vile singer, if you can call her that, makes atrocious music, if you can call it that, and will not give up the stage.
So if you haven't noticed so far, in this blog all I intend to do is rag on this sagging piece horse dung that you call an article. Okay so what if Madonna fell of a horse? Is she dead?! NO?! Does she suffer from brain damage?! NO?! Do I care if she did or didn't...NO!!! Later on in the article, it is revealed that her and her man friend Guy Ritchie are getting a devorce... and once again I DON'T CARE!!!
No further remarks.
Thank You for listening.
Purpose: To rag on Madonna
Intened Audience: People like me that just don't care about celebrity gossip.
So if you haven't noticed so far, in this blog all I intend to do is rag on this sagging piece horse dung that you call an article. Okay so what if Madonna fell of a horse? Is she dead?! NO?! Does she suffer from brain damage?! NO?! Do I care if she did or didn't...NO!!! Later on in the article, it is revealed that her and her man friend Guy Ritchie are getting a devorce... and once again I DON'T CARE!!!
No further remarks.
Thank You for listening.
Purpose: To rag on Madonna
Intened Audience: People like me that just don't care about celebrity gossip.
Torture Get's Her Done
This blog is intended for individuals that keep up with politics. The purpose of this blog is show whether or not being politically correct is always...correct.
US President Barack Obama reveals CIA's "top secret memos on interrogation techniques widely condemned as torture".
Now stop thinking what you were about to think. So you heard the word torture. You may say to yourself " Big bad America's hurting innocent people, and drowning them, and slapping them, and depriving them of sleep" (The information was released by the President himself), the truth is these men are not innocent. These men held captive are terrorist trying to break down the United States of America's security and harm American lives.
The CIA uses these methods also known as EIT (Enhanced Interrogation Techniques)to save lives. Although they are being punished for using such "harsh" methods, according to former head of US Central Intelligence Agency, the "inconvenient truth" is that it works. Under such condition, Abu Zubaydah, a head of Al-Qaeda, leaked valuable information to CIA officials, leading them to capture another head of Al-Qaeda.
You may not agree with America's version of torture, may it be drowning or sleep deprivation, and may not agree with Al-Qaeda's version of torture, be it sawing off the heads of American soldiers, but in the end it all comes down to what a nation is fighting for and what they are willing to do to obtain it. When it comes to war, both sides are trying, wanting to hurt the other party, to spill the beans on they're country. Torture get's the job done.
So unless there is way to stop war in it's self, torture may not sound so bad when hundreds of millions of lives depend on it.
US President Barack Obama reveals CIA's "top secret memos on interrogation techniques widely condemned as torture".
Now stop thinking what you were about to think. So you heard the word torture. You may say to yourself " Big bad America's hurting innocent people, and drowning them, and slapping them, and depriving them of sleep" (The information was released by the President himself), the truth is these men are not innocent. These men held captive are terrorist trying to break down the United States of America's security and harm American lives.
The CIA uses these methods also known as EIT (Enhanced Interrogation Techniques)to save lives. Although they are being punished for using such "harsh" methods, according to former head of US Central Intelligence Agency, the "inconvenient truth" is that it works. Under such condition, Abu Zubaydah, a head of Al-Qaeda, leaked valuable information to CIA officials, leading them to capture another head of Al-Qaeda.
You may not agree with America's version of torture, may it be drowning or sleep deprivation, and may not agree with Al-Qaeda's version of torture, be it sawing off the heads of American soldiers, but in the end it all comes down to what a nation is fighting for and what they are willing to do to obtain it. When it comes to war, both sides are trying, wanting to hurt the other party, to spill the beans on they're country. Torture get's the job done.
So unless there is way to stop war in it's self, torture may not sound so bad when hundreds of millions of lives depend on it.
Monday, May 18, 2009
My Daughter is NOT for sale,..unless...
Rafiq Qureshi, father of "Slumdog Millionaire" actress Rubina Ali, is accused of putting his daughter up for sale. A undercover news reporter, playing a wealthy Arabian man, offered Mr. Qureshi money in exchange for his daughter's adoption. According to British newspapers, Rafiq requested an amount of 20 million rupees for the trade. After having been exposed to the media, Rafiq proclaimed that all the accusations were false and that even Rubina wishes to stay with her father. Contradictory to Rafiq's alibi, His ex-wife testifies that she has heard of this scheme from their oldest daughter, exposing him of his plans to sell Rubina. The Motive to have his daughter sold may be that the Oscar Award winning film did provide the family with much money.
Purpose: Hate it or love it, money makes the world go around.
Intended Audience: For all the parents who are thinking about adoption. And, for the ones who are looking for a bargain, we are out on look out.
Purpose: Hate it or love it, money makes the world go around.
Intended Audience: For all the parents who are thinking about adoption. And, for the ones who are looking for a bargain, we are out on look out.
Hijacking Editorial
According to the Canadian Press, a Canadian Airplane was Hijacked. The accused is a Jamaican man in his 20's and suffers from "mental issues". No injuries have been reported. How is that a man with "mental issues" broke through the Jamaican Airport security. He insisted that the 5 Nova Scotian crew members that he kept captive to take him to Cuba, the rout's original destination. Not only did the gunman make his way through customs with a gun, he was able to beat all other "182 passengers scheduled" to be seated on the plane, being the first individual aboard. Apparently the gunman was still able to hijack the airplane even though he fired a gunshot while making his way passed security, which should have caused an mass amount of attention. The gunman's father was eventually brought in to organize a negotiation. The question remains: how is that with all the improvements in Airline, a single man is able to break through Airport security?
Purpose: To show that not everything in life is flawless, especially Airport security.
Intended Audience: For all those people terrified of Planes and flying over seas aka Terror-phobics.
Purpose: To show that not everything in life is flawless, especially Airport security.
Intended Audience: For all those people terrified of Planes and flying over seas aka Terror-phobics.
I Hate Simon
Hien: Hi, I'm Hien Vu and I'm from Toronto, Ontario. I am 18 and currently enrolled at East York Collegiate Institute.
Simon Cowell: All right Hen--
Hien: It's Hien.
Simon Cowell: All right Hien, what are you going to sing for us today?
Hien: I'm going to sing Aint No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye.
Simon Cowell: Okay Hien, when ever you're ready.
Hien: "Listen baby! Aint no mountain High. Aint no Valley low. Aint no river wide enough, baby."
(Paula and Randy both chuckle. Randy raises a sheet of paper over his face to cover his laughter)
Hien: "...Remember the day... I set you free... I told you you could always count on me--"
Simon Cowell: Okay Hen--
Hien: *cough Hien cough*
Simon: This is some sort of joke right?
Hien: Umm.. No.
Simon: That was absolutely horrific. You murdered that song.
Hien: No, no, no. I'm not one of those people you see on TV that think they can sing. I can actually sing. So, now I'm going to ask you, are you joking?
Simon: I can't tell if you're joking or not. Enough games, every thing was wrong. Every note was either too high or too low or not there. You looked like you were thinking too hard. You even forgot some of the lyrics.
Hien: I can't believe this. My school even raised the money for me to come here because they believed I was that good. Ms. C tells me I have the voice of an angel.
Simon: Well, Hen they are all lying because you have a terrifying voice. That noise that came out of your mouth seemed like it should have came out of dying chicken. Now you've wasted enough of our time please leave.
Hien: Please let me sing another song. I know I can change your mind.
Simon: No, I've heard enough. Now leave! Security!
Hien: Okay...
Simon: Nope! Other door. Use the other door!
Purpose: To show how devasting the truth can be when an individual is giving false hope all their lives.
Intended Audience: American Idol fans and to all those people who dont know how to say "YOU SUCK".
Simon Cowell: All right Hen--
Hien: It's Hien.
Simon Cowell: All right Hien, what are you going to sing for us today?
Hien: I'm going to sing Aint No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye.
Simon Cowell: Okay Hien, when ever you're ready.
Hien: "Listen baby! Aint no mountain High. Aint no Valley low. Aint no river wide enough, baby."
(Paula and Randy both chuckle. Randy raises a sheet of paper over his face to cover his laughter)
Hien: "...Remember the day... I set you free... I told you you could always count on me--"
Simon Cowell: Okay Hen--
Hien: *cough Hien cough*
Simon: This is some sort of joke right?
Hien: Umm.. No.
Simon: That was absolutely horrific. You murdered that song.
Hien: No, no, no. I'm not one of those people you see on TV that think they can sing. I can actually sing. So, now I'm going to ask you, are you joking?
Simon: I can't tell if you're joking or not. Enough games, every thing was wrong. Every note was either too high or too low or not there. You looked like you were thinking too hard. You even forgot some of the lyrics.
Hien: I can't believe this. My school even raised the money for me to come here because they believed I was that good. Ms. C tells me I have the voice of an angel.
Simon: Well, Hen they are all lying because you have a terrifying voice. That noise that came out of your mouth seemed like it should have came out of dying chicken. Now you've wasted enough of our time please leave.
Hien: Please let me sing another song. I know I can change your mind.
Simon: No, I've heard enough. Now leave! Security!
Hien: Okay...
Simon: Nope! Other door. Use the other door!
Purpose: To show how devasting the truth can be when an individual is giving false hope all their lives.
Intended Audience: American Idol fans and to all those people who dont know how to say "YOU SUCK".
...Jammin' With Lil' John...
Hien: Hi, can I order a large regular coffee and a blueberry bran muffin please?
Lil' John: YEAH!
(Ten seconds have gone by)
Hien: Uh...ok. When are you going make that coffee and get that muffin?
Lil' John: WHAT!?
Hien: ... I asked you to get my coffee and muffin. Don't get offended, you do work here right?
Lil' John: YEAH!
Hien: So then get me what I asked for!
Lil' John: OKAY!
(Another ten seconds have passed)
Hien: See, you're doing that thing again.
Lil' John: WHAT!?
Hien: That thing where I ask you to get me my coffee and muffin and you don't get it. May I speak to your manager please?
Lil' John: WHAT!?
Hien: Can I speak--
Lil' John: WHAT!?
Hien: Can--
Lil' John: WHAT!?
Hien: MOTHERFU--
Lil' John: OKAY!
Hien: Wait a minute... you look quite familiar. Are you...You're Lil' John! No way, you're Lil' John?
Lil' John: YEAH!
Hien: It all makes sense now. I'm on a TV show aren't I?
Lil' John: YEAH! WHAT! OKAY! OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, YEAH, YEAH, WHAT, WHAT, YEAH, WHAT, OKAY OVERLOAD!!!!
(Lil' John explodes into bits and exposes that he was a robot all this time)
Hien: Great now I'm going to be half an hour late for class now...
Purpose: Just for laughs and to show Ms. C what really went on that day I came back half an hour later than usual.
Intended Audience: Ages 16-19. For all the people who have gone to the Tim Horton's on O'Connor and Coxwell and have to put up with you know who. That evil Bit-- WHAT!?
Lil' John: YEAH!
(Ten seconds have gone by)
Hien: Uh...ok. When are you going make that coffee and get that muffin?
Lil' John: WHAT!?
Hien: ... I asked you to get my coffee and muffin. Don't get offended, you do work here right?
Lil' John: YEAH!
Hien: So then get me what I asked for!
Lil' John: OKAY!
(Another ten seconds have passed)
Hien: See, you're doing that thing again.
Lil' John: WHAT!?
Hien: That thing where I ask you to get me my coffee and muffin and you don't get it. May I speak to your manager please?
Lil' John: WHAT!?
Hien: Can I speak--
Lil' John: WHAT!?
Hien: Can--
Lil' John: WHAT!?
Hien: MOTHERFU--
Lil' John: OKAY!
Hien: Wait a minute... you look quite familiar. Are you...You're Lil' John! No way, you're Lil' John?
Lil' John: YEAH!
Hien: It all makes sense now. I'm on a TV show aren't I?
Lil' John: YEAH! WHAT! OKAY! OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, YEAH, YEAH, WHAT, WHAT, YEAH, WHAT, OKAY OVERLOAD!!!!
(Lil' John explodes into bits and exposes that he was a robot all this time)
Hien: Great now I'm going to be half an hour late for class now...
Purpose: Just for laughs and to show Ms. C what really went on that day I came back half an hour later than usual.
Intended Audience: Ages 16-19. For all the people who have gone to the Tim Horton's on O'Connor and Coxwell and have to put up with you know who. That evil Bit-- WHAT!?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Ashy To Classy
Setting: On the corner of Queen St. and Landsdowne Ave. a young male remains standing in front of the Two For One Pizza.
Chubs: Ey yo Toney the tiger! What's up man, you good?
Toney: Yeah man, I'm good. I'll come check you in a bit. You think you could hook me up with a toke?
Chubs: (laughs) I thought you just said you're good. Go home and get some money and I'll hook you up with a fat stone. Now get your dumb ass out of here you heat bag...Is that mayor Clarke?
Clarke: What's up Chubz? You got any food (Street lingo for crack/cocaine)?
Chubs: Always do. How much do you need?
Clarke: Give me a two ( Street lingo for 0.2 grams of crack($20))
Chubs: (reaches into his Jeans and down into his underwear and pulls out a small bag of crack. Just as he is about to break off a piece, a cop car appears just down the road.) Clarke get the fuck out of here! (thinking to himself) Shit! Should I put it in my socks? No, they'll see me do it. Should I hoop it ( Street lingo for hiding crack in between the buttocks)? No, they'll make me do squats... I'll eat it, that's it I'll eat it! ( As Chubs downs the gram of crack, the cop car turns at the corner) Fuck...I just ate a hundred dollars profit for nothing...I don't feel too good. Feels like my head is spinning. (Leans against the wall of Two For One Pizza and closes his eyes for what may seem like a split seconds.) Holly shit it's Biggie Smalls.
Christopher Wallace: So you're posting up on the block eh?
Chubs: (confused and startled) Uh... yeah, I got to make that money some way some how right?
Christoper Wallace: Right, right. I don't have a problem with you making money, it's how you're making it.
Chubs: Hey, bills have to be paid right? I've got to feed me and my daughter, you would know how it's like.
Christopher Wallace: I do, believe me I do. But let's just say that you were to go to prison for doing what it is that you're doing now, who feeds your daughter then? And, besides you can't hustle like this for ever right? Listen, what if I told you there were other ways of making money, other than selling crack to custies. There are other methods of making money that don't require you to swallow a gram of crack when the police roll by and which is why you're probably seeing me right now, a long time dead rapper. I take it from me, I'd know. You could go back to school, and graduate. Or, find a decent job that doesn't involve selling illegal substances.
Chubs: I can't get no job, no education. Employers won't employ me and teachers don't want to teach me. Seems like I guy like me never gets a chance.
Christopher Wallace: That's where you're wrong. You've got to give yourself a chance. You've got to want it, and you've got to make that change for the better. Don't sell yourself short. Dream big and maybe on day you'll make that move from "Ashy to Classy".
Chubs: I like that. (Chubs snaps back to reality. He turns his back to the street corner and walks into the distance. As he is walking away he puts on his head phones and turns on his ipod. The Sky is the limit begins to play.)
Audience: For people ages 12-25. (for drug dealers...preferably)
Purpose: To illustrate the effects of crack/cocaine.
Chubs: Ey yo Toney the tiger! What's up man, you good?
Toney: Yeah man, I'm good. I'll come check you in a bit. You think you could hook me up with a toke?
Chubs: (laughs) I thought you just said you're good. Go home and get some money and I'll hook you up with a fat stone. Now get your dumb ass out of here you heat bag...Is that mayor Clarke?
Clarke: What's up Chubz? You got any food (Street lingo for crack/cocaine)?
Chubs: Always do. How much do you need?
Clarke: Give me a two ( Street lingo for 0.2 grams of crack($20))
Chubs: (reaches into his Jeans and down into his underwear and pulls out a small bag of crack. Just as he is about to break off a piece, a cop car appears just down the road.) Clarke get the fuck out of here! (thinking to himself) Shit! Should I put it in my socks? No, they'll see me do it. Should I hoop it ( Street lingo for hiding crack in between the buttocks)? No, they'll make me do squats... I'll eat it, that's it I'll eat it! ( As Chubs downs the gram of crack, the cop car turns at the corner) Fuck...I just ate a hundred dollars profit for nothing...I don't feel too good. Feels like my head is spinning. (Leans against the wall of Two For One Pizza and closes his eyes for what may seem like a split seconds.) Holly shit it's Biggie Smalls.
Christopher Wallace: So you're posting up on the block eh?
Chubs: (confused and startled) Uh... yeah, I got to make that money some way some how right?
Christoper Wallace: Right, right. I don't have a problem with you making money, it's how you're making it.
Chubs: Hey, bills have to be paid right? I've got to feed me and my daughter, you would know how it's like.
Christopher Wallace: I do, believe me I do. But let's just say that you were to go to prison for doing what it is that you're doing now, who feeds your daughter then? And, besides you can't hustle like this for ever right? Listen, what if I told you there were other ways of making money, other than selling crack to custies. There are other methods of making money that don't require you to swallow a gram of crack when the police roll by and which is why you're probably seeing me right now, a long time dead rapper. I take it from me, I'd know. You could go back to school, and graduate. Or, find a decent job that doesn't involve selling illegal substances.
Chubs: I can't get no job, no education. Employers won't employ me and teachers don't want to teach me. Seems like I guy like me never gets a chance.
Christopher Wallace: That's where you're wrong. You've got to give yourself a chance. You've got to want it, and you've got to make that change for the better. Don't sell yourself short. Dream big and maybe on day you'll make that move from "Ashy to Classy".
Chubs: I like that. (Chubs snaps back to reality. He turns his back to the street corner and walks into the distance. As he is walking away he puts on his head phones and turns on his ipod. The Sky is the limit begins to play.)
Audience: For people ages 12-25. (for drug dealers...preferably)
Purpose: To illustrate the effects of crack/cocaine.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Taking Tips from Tyson
Hien: Hi, I'm Hien and I'm kinda new to boxing and I was wondering if I could pick up a few tips from you. Who better to ask then the Iron Mike Tyson right?
Mike: So what? Are you trying to beat me, trying to be bettah than me? Well let me tell you, thith ith the ultimate, thith ith the best b*tch. Ain't nobody bettah than me.
Hien: No sir. I just wanted to take a few tips from you because you are the best. You know I want to be as good as you.
Mike: B*tch you can't be like me. Im the best eva. I'm the most brutal, the most vicious.
Hien: Okay Mike, clearly I can't talk to you like a civilized man. I've asked you very nicely to take me in as an apprentice or even just give me some advice. Well I've got news for you sir, you're not the best. What happened during the Evander Holyfield fight Mike?
Mike: F*ck you, you hoe. Come and say that to my face you b*tch. B*tch! You and him ain't man enough to f*ck with me. Look at you. You scared now. You scared like a little Asian p*ssy. I'll f*ck you till you love me F*ggot.
Random Lady: Hey! Can you stop cursing and screaming please?
Mike: Are you talking out of turn? I don't talk to women unless I fornicate with them. So, you shouldn't talk any more unless... you know.
Hien: That's it Mike, I'm calling Lennox Lewis. He'll teach you some manners.
Mike: Yeah, yeah... Lennox Lewis, Lennox I'm comin' for you.
Hien: You lost to him twice and you're still coming for him? You're crazy Mike. You are crazy.
Mike: My stile is impetuous. My defense is impregnable. I'm ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. I'f I ever thee him again Imma knock him into bulivian.
Hien: Mike... why do you have to be this way? I was showing the most respect. So why did you have to go off on me and that nice little old lady?
Mike: I'm sorry Kien. I'th just I've been through so much you know. Having them take all my money away for tax evathion. Sometimes I wish one of you guys had children so I could kick them in their f*cken head or stomp on their tethicles for you to feel my pain because that's the pain I have waking up every morning.
Hien:...Sorry to bother you Mike.
Audience: This blog was intended for boxing fans ages 16-death.
Purpose: To convey the harsh affects that boxing has on the brain. Clearly all those shots to the head has done Mike Tyson wrong.
Mike: So what? Are you trying to beat me, trying to be bettah than me? Well let me tell you, thith ith the ultimate, thith ith the best b*tch. Ain't nobody bettah than me.
Hien: No sir. I just wanted to take a few tips from you because you are the best. You know I want to be as good as you.
Mike: B*tch you can't be like me. Im the best eva. I'm the most brutal, the most vicious.
Hien: Okay Mike, clearly I can't talk to you like a civilized man. I've asked you very nicely to take me in as an apprentice or even just give me some advice. Well I've got news for you sir, you're not the best. What happened during the Evander Holyfield fight Mike?
Mike: F*ck you, you hoe. Come and say that to my face you b*tch. B*tch! You and him ain't man enough to f*ck with me. Look at you. You scared now. You scared like a little Asian p*ssy. I'll f*ck you till you love me F*ggot.
Random Lady: Hey! Can you stop cursing and screaming please?
Mike: Are you talking out of turn? I don't talk to women unless I fornicate with them. So, you shouldn't talk any more unless... you know.
Hien: That's it Mike, I'm calling Lennox Lewis. He'll teach you some manners.
Mike: Yeah, yeah... Lennox Lewis, Lennox I'm comin' for you.
Hien: You lost to him twice and you're still coming for him? You're crazy Mike. You are crazy.
Mike: My stile is impetuous. My defense is impregnable. I'm ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. I'f I ever thee him again Imma knock him into bulivian.
Hien: Mike... why do you have to be this way? I was showing the most respect. So why did you have to go off on me and that nice little old lady?
Mike: I'm sorry Kien. I'th just I've been through so much you know. Having them take all my money away for tax evathion. Sometimes I wish one of you guys had children so I could kick them in their f*cken head or stomp on their tethicles for you to feel my pain because that's the pain I have waking up every morning.
Hien:...Sorry to bother you Mike.
Audience: This blog was intended for boxing fans ages 16-death.
Purpose: To convey the harsh affects that boxing has on the brain. Clearly all those shots to the head has done Mike Tyson wrong.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Runnin' Away
Runnin' that's what I do best. I don't run for exercise. I don't run because I'm an Olympic sprinter. I don't run because I'm an Olympic long distance runner. I run because it's easy. I run from my problems. Problems that might occur in school, work, family, and even in myself. It provides me with the relief I need. It takes away all the unnecessary bullsh*t in life. Sh*t I don't absolutely have to deal with.
Teachers wonder how I can attend school, while my brain is absent. Schools was just not for me. I'm not a morning person. And, homework just ain't my thing. Work is another problem that I just don't bother solving. I get paid enough to get by and plus minimum wage is goin' up to ten dollars per our, so that's pretty sick. I don't plan on quitting for a while. I mean why go out and look for a better job when the job you have now is simple and easy? Why would I work hard when I can hardly work? It's not like a pay rent, my parents take care of that. They wants me out and on my own, although I do understand why mom and dad would want that, I am 25. I tell them I'm on it and just waiting for the right time to go back to school, you know like an adult school or something. But, that's just what a tell them, like come on I'm 25 and I'm gonna go back to school?! It's goin to be me stuck in a class with half of it's students half a decade younger than I am and the other half half a century older than I am. And, plus there's no guarantee I'll land a dream job even if I have a high school diploma.
I remember my cousin saying to my parents "All he needs is a cold shower", and that got me thinking. Sure, runnin' from my problems is an easy way of, how should I say, doin' things the easy way, but what happens when I run out of road to run on? Could it be that all my problems finally catch up with me? The longer I run , the longer I wait, the colder that shows goinG to be.
Intended Audience: Procrastinating Teenagers that are to lazy to make something of their life
Purpose: Get off the couch and do something! Hate him, then fight him. Like her, then date her. Dumb, then get smart. You get the gist.
Teachers wonder how I can attend school, while my brain is absent. Schools was just not for me. I'm not a morning person. And, homework just ain't my thing. Work is another problem that I just don't bother solving. I get paid enough to get by and plus minimum wage is goin' up to ten dollars per our, so that's pretty sick. I don't plan on quitting for a while. I mean why go out and look for a better job when the job you have now is simple and easy? Why would I work hard when I can hardly work? It's not like a pay rent, my parents take care of that. They wants me out and on my own, although I do understand why mom and dad would want that, I am 25. I tell them I'm on it and just waiting for the right time to go back to school, you know like an adult school or something. But, that's just what a tell them, like come on I'm 25 and I'm gonna go back to school?! It's goin to be me stuck in a class with half of it's students half a decade younger than I am and the other half half a century older than I am. And, plus there's no guarantee I'll land a dream job even if I have a high school diploma.
I remember my cousin saying to my parents "All he needs is a cold shower", and that got me thinking. Sure, runnin' from my problems is an easy way of, how should I say, doin' things the easy way, but what happens when I run out of road to run on? Could it be that all my problems finally catch up with me? The longer I run , the longer I wait, the colder that shows goinG to be.
Intended Audience: Procrastinating Teenagers that are to lazy to make something of their life
Purpose: Get off the couch and do something! Hate him, then fight him. Like her, then date her. Dumb, then get smart. You get the gist.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Crusty Old People
Oh dang it boy, I didn't say you could take a picture of me. You know back in my day, we didn't have them all fancy smancy cameras, cellular telephones, 60 inch TVs and all them stuff. You know what we had? We had us some good old carnivals, kinda like this here. Carnivals that would make ya jaw drop. You know, we had them ugly folks with hairy faces and Chinese kids a bouncin' and a jumping ropes and strangs, and them big ol' fellows with the mustache lifting a ton a weight.
No sir, we didn't have them electronics. We didn't have time play em. Boy, while your playing, what to you call that, uh a Play Station 3 or what ever it is, I was busy making suits for them soldiers back in my day. No sir we didn't have no God of War, we had a World War. And, when ever that carnival came a swinging around you'd bet your behind we'd be there. To watch them ugly folks and them Chinese folks and them strong mustache folks, because boy, we appreciated the good thangs in life. Getting out and having fun, not like sitting at home in fronts of the computer, or more like a sex box, or playing that...Zzzzzzzz (Granny takes a sleep for about 15 mins while standing up) or playing that Play Stations.
So what I'm tryin' to tell you boy, is that there's more to life than just games and sex on the sex box. There's some good carnivals. And, although they ain't no more Ugly folks, okay maybe theys some left, and Chinese folks, wait they's still lots, and strong mustache folks, okay maybe the ones on them hemroids or steroids, URGHHH what im tryin to say is theys no more of them in carnivals but they's do have the Drop Zones and the Top Guns.
Audience: Anti-Social Gamers aged 6-to death.
Purpose: To encourage out door activities
No sir, we didn't have them electronics. We didn't have time play em. Boy, while your playing, what to you call that, uh a Play Station 3 or what ever it is, I was busy making suits for them soldiers back in my day. No sir we didn't have no God of War, we had a World War. And, when ever that carnival came a swinging around you'd bet your behind we'd be there. To watch them ugly folks and them Chinese folks and them strong mustache folks, because boy, we appreciated the good thangs in life. Getting out and having fun, not like sitting at home in fronts of the computer, or more like a sex box, or playing that...Zzzzzzzz (Granny takes a sleep for about 15 mins while standing up) or playing that Play Stations.
So what I'm tryin' to tell you boy, is that there's more to life than just games and sex on the sex box. There's some good carnivals. And, although they ain't no more Ugly folks, okay maybe theys some left, and Chinese folks, wait they's still lots, and strong mustache folks, okay maybe the ones on them hemroids or steroids, URGHHH what im tryin to say is theys no more of them in carnivals but they's do have the Drop Zones and the Top Guns.
Audience: Anti-Social Gamers aged 6-to death.
Purpose: To encourage out door activities
The Pea That Never Stopped Growing
Pea: Hi, I'm Pea Wee. I know at first glance I may seem like an infant in a funny looking green suit trying to imitate a pea, but in reality I am an over grown pea that is trying to imitate an infant. You may wonder how this has come to be. Well over years of food manipulation and modification, and radiation, this is what the pea pod of the future will look like. I am the first of my kind, fully equipped with the brain capacity and density of a fully grown human adult.
My plan? To rule the world, and breed a nation of super peas in a pod. How do I plan on doing that? I'll win all of you over with my adorable babyish looks, and once I've made my way into his heart, Mr. President Barack Obama, I'll shoot peas at bullet speed to his vital organs. And, here I am awaiting for his presence in front of the door belonging to the great White House. His first words, I predict, "Oh my, it's baby Jesus in a pea pod suit. How cute, let's adopt this miracle." That is when my glorious plan will take action.
There is only one down fall to my plan. Super bred peas like myself have a very shot life span. I've already spent more than three quarters of my life making it here to this checkpoint. And, an eighth of my life explaining my life story and life ambitions. Now I'll spend the last moments waiting for the presidents arrival. Chances are I won't be able to carry out my plans, taking into consideration that I've got about 32 seconds of life left in me. But, there is no need to worry, my fellow future nation of super peas, someone, some pea, will pick up where I have left off. My final words...I'm a super pea, super pea, I'm super Pea Wee!
Audience: Giant Food Corporations that are putting harmful growth products in our peas
Purpose: To raise awareness against harmful food enhancements.
My plan? To rule the world, and breed a nation of super peas in a pod. How do I plan on doing that? I'll win all of you over with my adorable babyish looks, and once I've made my way into his heart, Mr. President Barack Obama, I'll shoot peas at bullet speed to his vital organs. And, here I am awaiting for his presence in front of the door belonging to the great White House. His first words, I predict, "Oh my, it's baby Jesus in a pea pod suit. How cute, let's adopt this miracle." That is when my glorious plan will take action.
There is only one down fall to my plan. Super bred peas like myself have a very shot life span. I've already spent more than three quarters of my life making it here to this checkpoint. And, an eighth of my life explaining my life story and life ambitions. Now I'll spend the last moments waiting for the presidents arrival. Chances are I won't be able to carry out my plans, taking into consideration that I've got about 32 seconds of life left in me. But, there is no need to worry, my fellow future nation of super peas, someone, some pea, will pick up where I have left off. My final words...I'm a super pea, super pea, I'm super Pea Wee!
Audience: Giant Food Corporations that are putting harmful growth products in our peas
Purpose: To raise awareness against harmful food enhancements.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Not All That Great
Earl Shlong: (Panting heavily) I don't know why that guy with the wings made me climb this humongous mountain, as if dieing wasn't hard enough... Hey mister God, did you forget I got shot in the head and 9 times to the legs? And, here you are making me walk, not fly, not teleport, but walk up to heaven on a HUGE mountain. If this is your stair way to heaven, it ain't to good, no sir it ain't. And who's this guy following me? Just because we died at the same time, it doesn't mean that we're friends or anything, jeez. He smells like cow dung, and breathes really loud, and keeps on trying to get to know me. Being that you're God and all and you can probably read what I am thinking, can you make this guy disappear, or maybe just not smell and breathe so hard?
(Closes eyes, and looks over his shoulder.)
God Dam- Oops, hehe I mean Gosh darnnit...He's still there and still smelling... Ahhhh, Urghhh, I can feel his breath on my ear.
(Earl Shlong takes a seat awaiting for some heavenly action to occur)
Ok...So I've been sitting here for quite some time. Yup... Just sitting here waiting for something happen. You know, it could be a ray of light piercing through those big pretty white clouds up in the sky and shooting me up to where you are mister God. Or, it could be your big face that pops through the clouds and says "Hi, I'm God. Come and chill with me and my boys up in the clouds, and bam, I am in heaven...Nope still just sitting here.
(Earl remains sitting. Slowly his head begins to bounce and he begins to quietly sing.)
I'm Just sitting on the dock of the--No... I'm just sitting on the top of this mountain, waiting for this dirt bag behind me to go away. Sitting on top of this mountain, waiting for God.
(Earl's face slowing begins to show signs of anger. He then Stands up with his chin held high, while staring at the clouds)
Ok... subtracting the 16 hours it took me to climb up this here mountain, I've been waiting for your holy behind for 3 hours. 3!!! The eleventh commandment clearly states "When you die, Thy God shall not be late!!!" Practice what you preach man, practice what you preach, practice it man, just practice it...man.
(The clouds suddenly divide into two with a giant sun ray piercing through the halves and lands on Earl and the guy that smells. A note appears in Earl's dry crusted hands)
"Dear Earl, sorry I'm a little late but I'm here now. Do you know how many people die each every day? Really, I don't know, I just beam them up here and we live for ever in happiness. Well what ever the exact number is, there have a been a little more than the usual, with all the wars going, still not as bad as during and after World War 2, but its pretty bad and that threw me back a few hours. Please accept this apology and I hope you enjoy the all you can eat buffet. Love God"...Gee, I guess he's not all that great. What ever, I just want to PARTAY!
(Earl descends into heaven Screaming with joy)
Audience: Anybody looking for a good laugh. Relatively aged between 16-100
Purpose: Thinking outside the box.
(Closes eyes, and looks over his shoulder.)
God Dam- Oops, hehe I mean Gosh darnnit...He's still there and still smelling... Ahhhh, Urghhh, I can feel his breath on my ear.
(Earl Shlong takes a seat awaiting for some heavenly action to occur)
Ok...So I've been sitting here for quite some time. Yup... Just sitting here waiting for something happen. You know, it could be a ray of light piercing through those big pretty white clouds up in the sky and shooting me up to where you are mister God. Or, it could be your big face that pops through the clouds and says "Hi, I'm God. Come and chill with me and my boys up in the clouds, and bam, I am in heaven...Nope still just sitting here.
(Earl remains sitting. Slowly his head begins to bounce and he begins to quietly sing.)
I'm Just sitting on the dock of the--No... I'm just sitting on the top of this mountain, waiting for this dirt bag behind me to go away. Sitting on top of this mountain, waiting for God.
(Earl's face slowing begins to show signs of anger. He then Stands up with his chin held high, while staring at the clouds)
Ok... subtracting the 16 hours it took me to climb up this here mountain, I've been waiting for your holy behind for 3 hours. 3!!! The eleventh commandment clearly states "When you die, Thy God shall not be late!!!" Practice what you preach man, practice what you preach, practice it man, just practice it...man.
(The clouds suddenly divide into two with a giant sun ray piercing through the halves and lands on Earl and the guy that smells. A note appears in Earl's dry crusted hands)
"Dear Earl, sorry I'm a little late but I'm here now. Do you know how many people die each every day? Really, I don't know, I just beam them up here and we live for ever in happiness. Well what ever the exact number is, there have a been a little more than the usual, with all the wars going, still not as bad as during and after World War 2, but its pretty bad and that threw me back a few hours. Please accept this apology and I hope you enjoy the all you can eat buffet. Love God"...Gee, I guess he's not all that great. What ever, I just want to PARTAY!
(Earl descends into heaven Screaming with joy)
Audience: Anybody looking for a good laugh. Relatively aged between 16-100
Purpose: Thinking outside the box.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Flying High
Feeling in Landscapes
Targeted for individuals between the ages 16-20.
I fly oh so high
Zooming through the sky
And the through the smoke
That never ceases to make me choke
Some people laugh
Some people cry
Mary makes me smile
Mary has the answers when i ask why
Once that rides over
Being so high in the sky
She drops me
In The Land of Burn Out
I forget what its like there
Targeted for individuals between the ages 16-20.
I fly oh so high
Zooming through the sky
And the through the smoke
That never ceases to make me choke
Some people laugh
Some people cry
Mary makes me smile
Mary has the answers when i ask why
Once that rides over
Being so high in the sky
She drops me
In The Land of Burn Out
I forget what its like there
Dreaming Out Loud
Dreams and Dreaming
Targeted for individuals between the ages 16-20
If only I had a million dollars in my right hand
Like George and Lennie I'd live of the fatta the land
With all that money life certainly would not taste bland
I don't need all that much, why I'd even take a few grand
If only I had a million liters of 100% Whey Isolate Protein shakes
Instead of frying their dough, maybe the Joads could have baked a few cakes
Every child would grow to be big and strong because I'd do what ever it takes
And Food would never ever be missed when ever the stomach rumbles or shakes
If only I had a millions Pounds of loving in my heart
I'd freak every single lady, even the ones that smelled of fart
Why I'd even offer up my house to those poor men who are always pushing a cart
And I swear I'd do it, some way some how, even knowing that it will be a slow start
But then again
My hands don't hold a million dollars
My Jug of protein powder only weighs 3 lbs
And my heart isn't large enough hold all that love
Maybe I'm just young and dumb
Or maybe I'm just dreaming out loud
Targeted for individuals between the ages 16-20
If only I had a million dollars in my right hand
Like George and Lennie I'd live of the fatta the land
With all that money life certainly would not taste bland
I don't need all that much, why I'd even take a few grand
If only I had a million liters of 100% Whey Isolate Protein shakes
Instead of frying their dough, maybe the Joads could have baked a few cakes
Every child would grow to be big and strong because I'd do what ever it takes
And Food would never ever be missed when ever the stomach rumbles or shakes
If only I had a millions Pounds of loving in my heart
I'd freak every single lady, even the ones that smelled of fart
Why I'd even offer up my house to those poor men who are always pushing a cart
And I swear I'd do it, some way some how, even knowing that it will be a slow start
But then again
My hands don't hold a million dollars
My Jug of protein powder only weighs 3 lbs
And my heart isn't large enough hold all that love
Maybe I'm just young and dumb
Or maybe I'm just dreaming out loud
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Just Another Crazy On The Subway
This blog is intended for an audience between the ages 1-death. Basically for any body who has seen and judged a "crazy" person on the bus or subway.
An old man sits alone on the subway.A barrier of insanity surrounds him and not one person is found within three or four seats reach of him. Where is he coming from, nobody knows. Where is he going, Who really cares?
His Hat is worn Low over his eyes. His back hunched high. His finger sit intertwined on hiss lap. His head waves from side to side. His feet gently tap up and down on the floor of the train. His words are unclear which mutter "Oui-ee-a-jabaa" His name, not even he himself knows. His past has been long forgotten. His future has been long lost. His presents is all that he knows, yet all that confuses him.
Through the trains thunderous roars, he hears the teenage boy's secretive laughter. Through his shades, he sees the young woman stare in disgust. Through their minds, he reads their fear. And, do they know that he has lost everything that was of value? And, do they know that he was once just like them, "normal"?No. All they know is he is just another crazy on the subway. To them, he is nothing more, and nothing less to be less.
An old man sits alone on the subway.A barrier of insanity surrounds him and not one person is found within three or four seats reach of him. Where is he coming from, nobody knows. Where is he going, Who really cares?
His Hat is worn Low over his eyes. His back hunched high. His finger sit intertwined on hiss lap. His head waves from side to side. His feet gently tap up and down on the floor of the train. His words are unclear which mutter "Oui-ee-a-jabaa" His name, not even he himself knows. His past has been long forgotten. His future has been long lost. His presents is all that he knows, yet all that confuses him.
Through the trains thunderous roars, he hears the teenage boy's secretive laughter. Through his shades, he sees the young woman stare in disgust. Through their minds, he reads their fear. And, do they know that he has lost everything that was of value? And, do they know that he was once just like them, "normal"?No. All they know is he is just another crazy on the subway. To them, he is nothing more, and nothing less to be less.
Mayor Clarke
Hi, I'm Hien Vu. You may remember me from such humerus blogs titled as Detective Hien and Dear Doorary. Today, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, I have decided to take a different approach towards this weeks blog assignment. Now I know I wasnt supposed to blog about Kevin Clarke, the neighborly crackhead, because surely it would only be another "just for laughs" blog. Kevin Clarke's isn't so funny once you've gone deeper into his story, his life.
This blog is intended for an older youth audience between the ages 16-20 and especially for "The Boys of Parkdale."
Fresh fitted baseball cap on his head, brand new T-shirt hanging from his shoulders, crisp blue jeans sagging down to his knees, spotless white Nike's on his feet, a cold nine millimeter glock by his waist and a fat sack of crack tucked between the cheeks below his back. Kevin Clarke was his name and Parkdale was the neighborhood he claimed. Not one dope fiend went hungry with Mr. Clarke out on the block. He served them all what they wanted, what they needed. Money came quick and easy
So how long did Mr. Clarke remain running the streets? Not long. Within a blink of an eye the world he knew was taken away from him. And what took the hats, the shirts, the jeans, the shoes, and more importantly the money all away? All it took was one reckless transaction on the street corner that officer Pewee happened to notice. Kevin Clarke spent three years in prison . It didn't take too long for karma to catch up with him. Clarke figured "I'm already in prison, might as well smoke crack to pass the time by", and so he did.
Mr. Clarke is now known on the streets of Parkdale as Mayor Clarke. He runs for Mayor every year, for those who are curious about his new name. He is also known for wearing a dashiki while riding on a pair of roller blades, with a bucket in one hand and a broom in the other. His teeth aren't too great either, considering the only four he has are a florescent yellow.
Kevin Clarke couldn't have possibly thought he would get away with his reckless and ruthless ways without paying the price later in the future right...right?
This blog is intended for an older youth audience between the ages 16-20 and especially for "The Boys of Parkdale."
Fresh fitted baseball cap on his head, brand new T-shirt hanging from his shoulders, crisp blue jeans sagging down to his knees, spotless white Nike's on his feet, a cold nine millimeter glock by his waist and a fat sack of crack tucked between the cheeks below his back. Kevin Clarke was his name and Parkdale was the neighborhood he claimed. Not one dope fiend went hungry with Mr. Clarke out on the block. He served them all what they wanted, what they needed. Money came quick and easy
So how long did Mr. Clarke remain running the streets? Not long. Within a blink of an eye the world he knew was taken away from him. And what took the hats, the shirts, the jeans, the shoes, and more importantly the money all away? All it took was one reckless transaction on the street corner that officer Pewee happened to notice. Kevin Clarke spent three years in prison . It didn't take too long for karma to catch up with him. Clarke figured "I'm already in prison, might as well smoke crack to pass the time by", and so he did.
Mr. Clarke is now known on the streets of Parkdale as Mayor Clarke. He runs for Mayor every year, for those who are curious about his new name. He is also known for wearing a dashiki while riding on a pair of roller blades, with a bucket in one hand and a broom in the other. His teeth aren't too great either, considering the only four he has are a florescent yellow.
Kevin Clarke couldn't have possibly thought he would get away with his reckless and ruthless ways without paying the price later in the future right...right?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
It's a Hard Knock Life
February 19, 2009,
12:35AM
I Told Him Don't You Ever Come Around Here!
Don't Wanna See Your Face, Motha F*cker You Better Disappear.
The Fire's In My Eyes And My Words Are Really Clear.
So Beat It you punk ass B*tc, Just Beat It.
You Better Run, You Better Do What You Can.
Don't Wanna See Your Own Blood now do Ya? Don't Be A Macho Man now, Ohhh
You Wanna Be Tough, Better Do What You Can
So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad.
Dear Doorary,
Today I have found a new purpose in life! I no longer think of my life as "hard knock" and I no longer think of myself Mr. Lonely! For I am now a hero. How you may ask? Well I'll tell you how! Today after thinking dirty thoughts about the mail man after he left, after bad mouthing the mail box, after getting my wood kicked by two rascals, after soaking my mat in piss, and after smelling a bag of inflamed dog crap, a man dressed in all black came to me in the middle of the night. With his face masked and hands gloved, he held a giant crow bar. Before stepping in a pile of dog crap he noticed that the house had been vacant for the past few weeks and not once has the lights been turned on. So he slowly crept up to me and put his ears close to my heart, to be honest I kind of liked it he, he, he. He made sure that no one was home and then wedged that giant crow bar into my side where my locks were placed, to be honest I kind of liked that to he, he, he, and for several minutes he tried to pry me apart. I then realized that this man was a burglar, a thief! I then told him the above ^^^(very top two paragraphs). It's to bad he didnt understand Door talk, so he carried on with his criminal ways. This time he tried to pick my locks. So, being the door I was I flexed my locks as tight as can be and broke his bobby pin. He then got angry and started beating me with his crow bar, I got two black eyes and a broken knob, and then ran off crying. I successfully protected my 5 kids and ex-wife and all that other crap the owners left behind. I am a HERO! Kind of like that Asian guy from the show heroes, just not Asian and not human, and kind of a little too doorish. I now see that I was created to protect and serve those I love, and that with great power comes great responsibilities. I am a door that all other doors look up to. From now on I shall only respond to as The Great Door!!!
The Great Door says goodnight and sweet dreams Doorary.
February 19, 2009
5:58PM
Lonely I'm Mr Lonely,
I have nobody,
For my own
I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
For my own
I'm so lonely,
Dear Doorary,
It's been a lonely day... as always. I see hundreds of people walk by each day and each one that walks by, I wish that they would come and knock me up, ha...ha...ha...I know my life is pathetic. That's the life you live when you're a single parent door like me with 5 door kids. OHhhh how lonely it gets out here all by myself. I know I have 5 kids but there mother got a restraint on me and now I can't remember that last time I got to see them. They all live inside the house and here I am doing nothing but preying on mail men and hating on mail boxes. I got some action today. Uncle John came by, he's the home owners brother, banging and kicking me while screaming "Hey it's me John, open up!" He probably wanted to borrow some money again but it's too bad for him the Vanderhagans are in Mexico right now sucking up all the sun. Oh and almost forgot the Jones' dog came today and pissed all over my new Armani door mat and little Rex Jones left a bag of flaming dog crap on top of it.
That's all the crying I'm doing for tonight. Goodnight and Sweet Dreams Doorary.
February 19, 2009
12:28 AM
It's the hard knock life for us
It's the hard knock life, for us!
Steada Treated,we get tricked
Steada kisses, we get kicked
It's the hard knock life!
Dear Doorary,
It's been a hard knock day...as always. Three people visited me today. The first person was the mail man, he visits me often...but he never stays. He doesn't even bother to touch me. All he does it pull out a few bills from his ugly over sized pouch and slides them into that stuck up mail box and leaves as quick as he comes. That over confident, rusting, jerk of a mail box gets all the attention. I bet he doesn't know his wife is cheating on him with the lawn mower. Enough about that stupid mail box and his cheating wife, I wonder what that mail man's name is? Urghhh, it doesn't matter I'm pretty sure he isn't into doors and plus I don't think he swings my way. Enough about the mail man, so there I was today lonely as ever, hanging from my hinges all day, everyday, when a pair of jackasses, roughly aged between 8-11, come and punch and kick the saw dust out of me. About three punches and two hard kicks, which left me with dents and scratches, as if I didn't already have enough scars and bruises. The whole thing could not have of lasted more than 3 seconds. Nicky Nine Door never lasts for more than 5 seconds of torture, no one wants to get caught. Those littles brats! Although it did hurt, I kind of like the attention, you know with the owners gone for the summer. Without them there is no one to peep through my peep hole, or to lock and unlock me, or to turn my knob... I miss them.
Well, Doorary that's all the action I got today. Goodnight and Sweetdreams.
12:35AM
I Told Him Don't You Ever Come Around Here!
Don't Wanna See Your Face, Motha F*cker You Better Disappear.
The Fire's In My Eyes And My Words Are Really Clear.
So Beat It you punk ass B*tc, Just Beat It.
You Better Run, You Better Do What You Can.
Don't Wanna See Your Own Blood now do Ya? Don't Be A Macho Man now, Ohhh
You Wanna Be Tough, Better Do What You Can
So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad.
Dear Doorary,
Today I have found a new purpose in life! I no longer think of my life as "hard knock" and I no longer think of myself Mr. Lonely! For I am now a hero. How you may ask? Well I'll tell you how! Today after thinking dirty thoughts about the mail man after he left, after bad mouthing the mail box, after getting my wood kicked by two rascals, after soaking my mat in piss, and after smelling a bag of inflamed dog crap, a man dressed in all black came to me in the middle of the night. With his face masked and hands gloved, he held a giant crow bar. Before stepping in a pile of dog crap he noticed that the house had been vacant for the past few weeks and not once has the lights been turned on. So he slowly crept up to me and put his ears close to my heart, to be honest I kind of liked it he, he, he. He made sure that no one was home and then wedged that giant crow bar into my side where my locks were placed, to be honest I kind of liked that to he, he, he, and for several minutes he tried to pry me apart. I then realized that this man was a burglar, a thief! I then told him the above ^^^(very top two paragraphs). It's to bad he didnt understand Door talk, so he carried on with his criminal ways. This time he tried to pick my locks. So, being the door I was I flexed my locks as tight as can be and broke his bobby pin. He then got angry and started beating me with his crow bar, I got two black eyes and a broken knob, and then ran off crying. I successfully protected my 5 kids and ex-wife and all that other crap the owners left behind. I am a HERO! Kind of like that Asian guy from the show heroes, just not Asian and not human, and kind of a little too doorish. I now see that I was created to protect and serve those I love, and that with great power comes great responsibilities. I am a door that all other doors look up to. From now on I shall only respond to as The Great Door!!!
The Great Door says goodnight and sweet dreams Doorary.
February 19, 2009
5:58PM
Lonely I'm Mr Lonely,
I have nobody,
For my own
I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
For my own
I'm so lonely,
Dear Doorary,
It's been a lonely day... as always. I see hundreds of people walk by each day and each one that walks by, I wish that they would come and knock me up, ha...ha...ha...I know my life is pathetic. That's the life you live when you're a single parent door like me with 5 door kids. OHhhh how lonely it gets out here all by myself. I know I have 5 kids but there mother got a restraint on me and now I can't remember that last time I got to see them. They all live inside the house and here I am doing nothing but preying on mail men and hating on mail boxes. I got some action today. Uncle John came by, he's the home owners brother, banging and kicking me while screaming "Hey it's me John, open up!" He probably wanted to borrow some money again but it's too bad for him the Vanderhagans are in Mexico right now sucking up all the sun. Oh and almost forgot the Jones' dog came today and pissed all over my new Armani door mat and little Rex Jones left a bag of flaming dog crap on top of it.
That's all the crying I'm doing for tonight. Goodnight and Sweet Dreams Doorary.
February 19, 2009
12:28 AM
It's the hard knock life for us
It's the hard knock life, for us!
Steada Treated,we get tricked
Steada kisses, we get kicked
It's the hard knock life!
Dear Doorary,
It's been a hard knock day...as always. Three people visited me today. The first person was the mail man, he visits me often...but he never stays. He doesn't even bother to touch me. All he does it pull out a few bills from his ugly over sized pouch and slides them into that stuck up mail box and leaves as quick as he comes. That over confident, rusting, jerk of a mail box gets all the attention. I bet he doesn't know his wife is cheating on him with the lawn mower. Enough about that stupid mail box and his cheating wife, I wonder what that mail man's name is? Urghhh, it doesn't matter I'm pretty sure he isn't into doors and plus I don't think he swings my way. Enough about the mail man, so there I was today lonely as ever, hanging from my hinges all day, everyday, when a pair of jackasses, roughly aged between 8-11, come and punch and kick the saw dust out of me. About three punches and two hard kicks, which left me with dents and scratches, as if I didn't already have enough scars and bruises. The whole thing could not have of lasted more than 3 seconds. Nicky Nine Door never lasts for more than 5 seconds of torture, no one wants to get caught. Those littles brats! Although it did hurt, I kind of like the attention, you know with the owners gone for the summer. Without them there is no one to peep through my peep hole, or to lock and unlock me, or to turn my knob... I miss them.
Well, Doorary that's all the action I got today. Goodnight and Sweetdreams.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Detective Handsome Cases 3,4
Detective Hien Case 4 I Peed on the ROM
Location: Swiss Chalet
Time: 8:45 PM
Suspect 1: Belle
Approximately 5'6
Suspect 2: Beast
Approximately 5'9
Date: February 15
Beast: So what did you do for Valentines day?
Belle: Well it was good and bad...
Beast: What was bad and what was good?
Belle: I've been looking forward to chilling with Mufasa (supervisor 1) on Valentines day since forever and in the morning of Valentines day my stupid boy was just being stupid.
Beast: Who Gaston? What did he do now?
Belle: Well since it was Valentines, I decided to tell him that he was like the first guy that I've ever been in love with... And, guess what he said to me. He said "Well you're not the first one that I've ever been in love with".
Beast: What an idiot!!! Why would he say something like that?
Belle: I know!!! Holy sh*t, lie to me at least, don't say something like that.
Beast: Ha, ha, ha. Why? Something like that you just don't say. What did you say to him after that?
Belle: I told him he's a f**king Idiot and that here I am telling him that I love him and he says this sh*t
Beast: And, what did he say after that.
Belle: He said I should be happy for him telling me the truth. What an idiot. At least my day got better, me and Mufasa went to the bar and got really really drunk ah, ha, ha, ha.
Beast: Ha, ha, ha. Did you have fun?
Belle: Yeah, We peed on the ROM.
Beast:Uh.........
Belle: You know the Royal Ontario Museum?
Beast: Yeah I know but how did you do that? You're both girls and how did you wipe?
Belle: Easy, you put your back on the wall and let it air dry.
Beast: Uh....
Yeah there's no significance to this case. It was just a random conversation that I happened to over here at work and decided it was blog worthy.
And for the final time, All the names mentioned in this Investigation have been changed due to privacy and safety precautions.
Detective Hien... More like Mad Scientist Hien Vu Case 3
I ventured into pitch black caves, I looked under giant boulders, I searched far and wide into ocean and in the end I could not find a conversation interesting enough to blog about. Slowly driving myself into insanity, I found a way to eavesdrop into the juiciest conversations. So what did I do? Instead of stumbling across intriguing gossip by chance, I would spark forest fires and watched it burn. Using my co-workers as lab rats, I threw a hot topic at them bringing up the Chris Brown and Rhianna situation and observed them while they gossiped like mindless drones. Muhahah...MUHAHAHAHA...MUAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA...(I've got like 20 more).
Hien: So what's up with the whole Chris Brown hitting Rhianna? Was it that bad?
Aladdin: Bad enough to cancel her performance and her birthday.
Jafar: She got beat up so bad that she couldn't even open one of her eyes.
Hien: Wow, I thought like maybe he just slapped her. What did he do to her?
Aladdin: Apparently he strangled her, and just the beat sh*t out of her. And, there were bite marks all over her body.
Hien: What a f**king d**k! Why would he do such a thing?
Jafar: I think it all started with a text message that Chris Brown got from a "Booty Call" and Rhianna got pissed off and tried to leave the car that they were in. Chris Brown got mad and started strangling her and she called her friend to tell her to call the cops and that's when Chris Brown went ballistic on her.
Aladdin: What a little B*tch. I lost all respect for him.
Iago: Well I heard there was violence in his family growing up. Like, his mom got beat by his dad.
Aladdin: Still, that doesn't make it right for him to hit her.
Iago: I know, but I'm just saying that's probably why he would think it's okay and plus like he probably thinks he's king of the world and always gets things his way, come on he's Chris Brown, and when he doesn't get it his way he probably throws a temper tantrum.
Jafar: Whatever, nobody is ever going to want to work with him again.
Hien: Good for him, he deserves it. How are you going to beat up a woman, like really?
All the names mentioned in this experiment have been changed due to privacy and safety precautions.
All jokes aside this topic is quite serious and should not be taken lightly. It truly is a setback on society that these things are still going on. The lowest thing a man, or if he can call himself that, is to put his hands on a woman. No mother, daughter, sister, aunt, or niece should ever have to put up with any form of abuse.
Location: Swiss Chalet
Time: 8:45 PM
Suspect 1: Belle
Approximately 5'6
Suspect 2: Beast
Approximately 5'9
Date: February 15
Beast: So what did you do for Valentines day?
Belle: Well it was good and bad...
Beast: What was bad and what was good?
Belle: I've been looking forward to chilling with Mufasa (supervisor 1) on Valentines day since forever and in the morning of Valentines day my stupid boy was just being stupid.
Beast: Who Gaston? What did he do now?
Belle: Well since it was Valentines, I decided to tell him that he was like the first guy that I've ever been in love with... And, guess what he said to me. He said "Well you're not the first one that I've ever been in love with".
Beast: What an idiot!!! Why would he say something like that?
Belle: I know!!! Holy sh*t, lie to me at least, don't say something like that.
Beast: Ha, ha, ha. Why? Something like that you just don't say. What did you say to him after that?
Belle: I told him he's a f**king Idiot and that here I am telling him that I love him and he says this sh*t
Beast: And, what did he say after that.
Belle: He said I should be happy for him telling me the truth. What an idiot. At least my day got better, me and Mufasa went to the bar and got really really drunk ah, ha, ha, ha.
Beast: Ha, ha, ha. Did you have fun?
Belle: Yeah, We peed on the ROM.
Beast:Uh.........
Belle: You know the Royal Ontario Museum?
Beast: Yeah I know but how did you do that? You're both girls and how did you wipe?
Belle: Easy, you put your back on the wall and let it air dry.
Beast: Uh....
Yeah there's no significance to this case. It was just a random conversation that I happened to over here at work and decided it was blog worthy.
And for the final time, All the names mentioned in this Investigation have been changed due to privacy and safety precautions.
Detective Hien... More like Mad Scientist Hien Vu Case 3
I ventured into pitch black caves, I looked under giant boulders, I searched far and wide into ocean and in the end I could not find a conversation interesting enough to blog about. Slowly driving myself into insanity, I found a way to eavesdrop into the juiciest conversations. So what did I do? Instead of stumbling across intriguing gossip by chance, I would spark forest fires and watched it burn. Using my co-workers as lab rats, I threw a hot topic at them bringing up the Chris Brown and Rhianna situation and observed them while they gossiped like mindless drones. Muhahah...MUHAHAHAHA...MUAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA...(I've got like 20 more).
Hien: So what's up with the whole Chris Brown hitting Rhianna? Was it that bad?
Aladdin: Bad enough to cancel her performance and her birthday.
Jafar: She got beat up so bad that she couldn't even open one of her eyes.
Hien: Wow, I thought like maybe he just slapped her. What did he do to her?
Aladdin: Apparently he strangled her, and just the beat sh*t out of her. And, there were bite marks all over her body.
Hien: What a f**king d**k! Why would he do such a thing?
Jafar: I think it all started with a text message that Chris Brown got from a "Booty Call" and Rhianna got pissed off and tried to leave the car that they were in. Chris Brown got mad and started strangling her and she called her friend to tell her to call the cops and that's when Chris Brown went ballistic on her.
Aladdin: What a little B*tch. I lost all respect for him.
Iago: Well I heard there was violence in his family growing up. Like, his mom got beat by his dad.
Aladdin: Still, that doesn't make it right for him to hit her.
Iago: I know, but I'm just saying that's probably why he would think it's okay and plus like he probably thinks he's king of the world and always gets things his way, come on he's Chris Brown, and when he doesn't get it his way he probably throws a temper tantrum.
Jafar: Whatever, nobody is ever going to want to work with him again.
Hien: Good for him, he deserves it. How are you going to beat up a woman, like really?
All the names mentioned in this experiment have been changed due to privacy and safety precautions.
All jokes aside this topic is quite serious and should not be taken lightly. It truly is a setback on society that these things are still going on. The lowest thing a man, or if he can call himself that, is to put his hands on a woman. No mother, daughter, sister, aunt, or niece should ever have to put up with any form of abuse.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Dectective Rude Bwoi Case 2
Okay, so in the last case my method of Creepism/Stalkism was somewhat of a Cheaters approach, observing from afar. This time I have decided to investigate as an undercover brotha...or chin...or viet... or student or whatever. I played the role as an asian Donnie Brasco, putting my handsome self in extreme potential danger, standing, or in this case, sitting face to face with the suspects.
Location: Room 210 Mr. Shipton's English class
Time: Approximately 2:30
Suspect 1: Tigger
Tigger: Okay, so there's this sl*t and she has three boyfriends, and she has a husband.
Piglet: You told me this one already.
Tigger: SHhhh, don't tell them. So, one day her Albanian boyfriend comes over and they are f**king. She hears a knock at the door and she says "Oh sh*t it's my husband, Hide!" So she hides him behind the refrigerator. She opens the door and its her Italian boyfriend. So she starts to f**k him to and she hears a knock again. So she hides him behind the TV. This time it's her Greek boyfriend at the door. And, again they start to f**k and again she hears a knock and hides her Greek Boyfriend on the balcony.
At this point my cover was almost blown and my safety was no longer guaranteed. Piglet noticed that was writing to the rhythm of the joke being told. He questioned what I was doing and I quickly told him that I could not tell him and that it was top secret. Ah, ha, ha, ha, NO! The truth is that I told them I was supposed to eavesdrop on conversations and that I would not mention their real names. They laughed a bit and carried on with the joke.
Tigger: Okay. So, Finally It's her husband and he starts looking around. The husband finds the first guy behind the refrigerator and says "What are doing back here?" And the Albanian guy says " Oh, I'm the refrigerator repair man" and the husband says " Okay here's $ 20 dollars" and he leaves.
Eeyore: Ha, ha, ha , ha, that guy is so stupid.
Tigger: Okay, so the husband checks behind the TV and he finds the Italian boyfriend and the same thing happens. The Italian guy says "I'm the TV repair man" and the husband gives him $ 20 dollars. And, as the Italian boyfriend leaves, the Greek boyfriend is watching from the balcony window screaming and banging on the door saying "Give me $20 dollars!!! I f**ked her to!!!"
All three suspects: Ha, ha, ha, ha ,ha.
All the names mentioned in this investigation were changed due to privacy and safety precautions.
It's surprising how immature grade 12 students can really be when a supply teacher is in their presence. What exactly is it that makes students, particularly boys, go stupid and animal like when a teacher away and a supply fills in? Could it be that the students no longer feel the need to wear a mask to conform to the "real" teacher's class room expectations for behavior, or could it be that boys are just dumb. And, that no quote would justify their actions in class other than "Boys will be boy." Then again I can't really bad mouth the boys in this investigations, after all I am a boy and did participate just as much in the whole shenanigans, the only difference is that had the great Ms. C and the writers craft class in mind.
Location: Room 210 Mr. Shipton's English class
Time: Approximately 2:30
Suspect 1: Tigger
- Approximately 5'7
- Albanian
- Approximately 5'9
- Afghan
- Approximately 5'8
- Bengali
Tigger: Okay, so there's this sl*t and she has three boyfriends, and she has a husband.
Piglet: You told me this one already.
Tigger: SHhhh, don't tell them. So, one day her Albanian boyfriend comes over and they are f**king. She hears a knock at the door and she says "Oh sh*t it's my husband, Hide!" So she hides him behind the refrigerator. She opens the door and its her Italian boyfriend. So she starts to f**k him to and she hears a knock again. So she hides him behind the TV. This time it's her Greek boyfriend at the door. And, again they start to f**k and again she hears a knock and hides her Greek Boyfriend on the balcony.
At this point my cover was almost blown and my safety was no longer guaranteed. Piglet noticed that was writing to the rhythm of the joke being told. He questioned what I was doing and I quickly told him that I could not tell him and that it was top secret. Ah, ha, ha, ha, NO! The truth is that I told them I was supposed to eavesdrop on conversations and that I would not mention their real names. They laughed a bit and carried on with the joke.
Tigger: Okay. So, Finally It's her husband and he starts looking around. The husband finds the first guy behind the refrigerator and says "What are doing back here?" And the Albanian guy says " Oh, I'm the refrigerator repair man" and the husband says " Okay here's $ 20 dollars" and he leaves.
Eeyore: Ha, ha, ha , ha, that guy is so stupid.
Tigger: Okay, so the husband checks behind the TV and he finds the Italian boyfriend and the same thing happens. The Italian guy says "I'm the TV repair man" and the husband gives him $ 20 dollars. And, as the Italian boyfriend leaves, the Greek boyfriend is watching from the balcony window screaming and banging on the door saying "Give me $20 dollars!!! I f**ked her to!!!"
All three suspects: Ha, ha, ha, ha ,ha.
All the names mentioned in this investigation were changed due to privacy and safety precautions.
It's surprising how immature grade 12 students can really be when a supply teacher is in their presence. What exactly is it that makes students, particularly boys, go stupid and animal like when a teacher away and a supply fills in? Could it be that the students no longer feel the need to wear a mask to conform to the "real" teacher's class room expectations for behavior, or could it be that boys are just dumb. And, that no quote would justify their actions in class other than "Boys will be boy." Then again I can't really bad mouth the boys in this investigations, after all I am a boy and did participate just as much in the whole shenanigans, the only difference is that had the great Ms. C and the writers craft class in mind.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Detective Hien Case 1
Location: Swiss Chalet
Time: 4:55 PM
Suspect 1: Simba (supervisor 1)
Approximately 5'5
Suspect 2: Mufasa (supervisor 2)
Approximately 5'6
Background Info: Swiss Chalet at Bloor and Spadina has just recruited a new supervisor from the Swiss Chalet at Danforth and Pape that has recently closed down. Mufasa (supervisor 2) has just come in for her first shift at Bloor and Spadina. Simba (supervisor 1) is currently showing Mufasa around the premises.
Simba: So were are a take-out and delivery only Swiss Chalet.
Mufasa: It's going to be nice not worry about dine-in
Simba: So these are our drivers. That's line over there ( kitchen workers) and us take-out girls (Cashiers) stay here. Oh that's Timone. Over there is Pumba and Scar.
Connection was lost for approximately three minutes (I was changing to get ready for work)
Mufasa: Who is that over there that just came out of the washroom dancing in their underwear?!?!?
Simba: ... That's Hien. He's the only take-out girl that's a guy.
All the names mentioned in this investigation were changed due to privacy and safety precautions.
Time: 4:55 PM
Suspect 1: Simba (supervisor 1)
Approximately 5'5
Suspect 2: Mufasa (supervisor 2)
Approximately 5'6
Background Info: Swiss Chalet at Bloor and Spadina has just recruited a new supervisor from the Swiss Chalet at Danforth and Pape that has recently closed down. Mufasa (supervisor 2) has just come in for her first shift at Bloor and Spadina. Simba (supervisor 1) is currently showing Mufasa around the premises.
Simba: So were are a take-out and delivery only Swiss Chalet.
Mufasa: It's going to be nice not worry about dine-in
Simba: So these are our drivers. That's line over there ( kitchen workers) and us take-out girls (Cashiers) stay here. Oh that's Timone. Over there is Pumba and Scar.
Connection was lost for approximately three minutes (I was changing to get ready for work)
Mufasa: Who is that over there that just came out of the washroom dancing in their underwear?!?!?
Simba: ... That's Hien. He's the only take-out girl that's a guy.
All the names mentioned in this investigation were changed due to privacy and safety precautions.
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